Friends

Heads were down, lips pressed together, and shame hung on their backs. This was not the cocky young man that I met a year ago. He was not laughing, with an heir that nothing could touch him. His head was shaved now, dreads that had taken years to grow gone in the flash of a razor.

He was trying desperately to look so rough, protected. Nothing could touch him. Sitting there did not affect him. Every once in a while he might glance at the chains wrapped around his wrists. My eyes moved to the same chains binding his ankles. Shifting in his seat it was obvious that these kept him from finding a comfortable position.

Yet, It was not the bright red jumpsuit that caused me to look twice. Honestly, as I pondered this young man, it was the lost and broken look in his eyes that kept drawing my attention.

At fifteen years old, it had taken one poor choice to be in the wrong place at the wrong time to bring him to break his life in half. One of the most horrific crimes committed in Southern Florida in years and he was stuck right in the middle of it all. Although, his lawyer was attempting to convince the court that he didn’t actually “do” it, he only watched or knew about it, I found myself asking what the truth could be.

I wasn’t sitting on the cold hard bench for him. Honestly, I didn’t know anything about his guilt or innocence. As my gaze fell to his mother, one could tell that she really didn’t know either.

Seeing this deep hurt, I was moved as to why I was sitting here. My heart did not ache for a wronged innocence. Instead, I wondered about a broken heart. Both for Mother and son.

Recently, I have found myself questioning the definition of friendship. If our “neighbors” are defined Biblically as everyone other than ourselves, then who are our friends? Are they merely those people that we are the most comfortable with? Can we call someone that we would not normally spend our time with our friend?

In my heart I am finding that the answer is yes. This relationship started with children who attended our after- school program that is housed right in the middle of the public housing projects. Then as we would walk the children home at night, I would stop by just to say hello to Mom. My husband and I began to mentor two of her children. As her younger son grappled with the crime his brother committed, I had sat as he asked Jesus into his life as his Savior. That was the moment, I was able to tell him that Christ loved his brother the same. There was no crime so horrific that Christ could not and would not forgive.

So, a relationship was built. First with the children and then with their Mom, Carol. It was natural when I found out about the court date to ask Carol, if she needed a ride. Her response, “You can come if you want to.” When pressed, she wanted me there. As I arrived at her door, there was plenty of family headed over to the courthouse with her. How could she want or need my support? Yet, when she saw her boy, the shame, the guilt, the hurt swept over her. Keeping it together for him, she retreated to the bathroom where the tears flowed freely. Family stood at arms length. No one knew what to say. The media has stamped guilty across his forehead already. The rest of us don’t know.

Carol’s spirit was crushed. A little boy, her little boy once with so much hope, lost in the wave of peer pressure. How do you let her know that the Lord still loves Him? That he hasn’t given up on the future and hope that was planned. It isn’t all lost. Let her know the truth of Romans, “ALL who call on the name of the Lord will be saved.” Both and mother and son can be loved freely, unconditionally.

There is only one way, to be her friend. At this moment in time she does not need a missionary with an agenda. She needs someone to tell her that she will wake up from this nightmare. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and he has a name.

Think of those times when your own life has come apart at the seams. For Carol, she is out of work. One son is in jail, and one daughter is pregnant. There are two others at home, still in Middle School wondering where they will be in the end? Food is scarce on the table. Has God forgotten her? No…

I could simply fill her belly, or offer a prayer, or even offer a ride to the courthouse. Yet, as I sat there that day taking it all in, truthfully I wanted to be there, but I wasn’t sure where I fit in. Then she thanked me five times for coming. I didn’t do anything. Then it hit me. Sometimes, we all just need a friend. Just to know that someone else is there. “Share each other's troubles and problems, and in this way obey the law of Christ.” We are told this is the way in Galatians. I came along to share this burden. She couldn’t arry it alone. The two greatest commandments are to, “Love the lord your God with all of your heart, with all of your mind and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matt. 22:36-39) If you love your neighbor as yourself, then to be a friend is someone who embraces those neighbors and points them towards the Lord. When Carol really knows how much the Lord loves her, all she will do is pour out His love on others. Then she will understand that she really is never alone. She will know that there are bigger shoulders who carry her burdens always.

No I wasn’t a court that day for the boy with the lost soul, although it broke my heart. I wasn’t even there for the children that I mentor. I was there for my friend and her family.

Invisible

Invisible…. Such a strong word. Not a description that a little girl should use to describe herself. Standing in the midst of 90 other children, feeling like everyone looks past you and through you. Worst yet, that no one notices at all. Believing that you don’t matter. Forgotten.

Children should not use this word to describe themselves. For it means that they live a life surrounded by confusion. As a child you should not think that all the seams of your life are continuing to unravel. Yet, this is the picture so often painted for the children of the inner city.

The reality is that many of the children we serve are coming unglued. 85% of them are growing up without a father. Their fathers are distant, not present, in jail, on drugs or simply don’t acknowledge that they exist. In the areas where they are growing up they are at higher risk for abuse and neglect. There is addiction, rage, and violence. Crime rates are higher in the areas where they live. Whether or not they committed a crime they are more likely to be the ones accused and brought to jail. They are witnessing domestic abuse and chaos. There is so much chaos.

So they start building the walls of protection. “Don’t cry, grow up.” “That attitude will get you killed.” “Defend yourself, at all times.” These are the messages sent to them from early ages by parents and guardians who feel like they are drowning themselves. So by the time they reach school age, they are in survival mode.

Then there is a choice. A question they ask themselves. How do I get noticed? They don’t want to become hardened. So they are screaming for someone to just see them. So who will they become? Will they be the worst? Will they be a perfectionist? Will they meld into the background so no one will notice? They don’t want to be invisible. No one wants to be invisible. Living in extremes, it is as if they are simply flailing their arms for someone to see.

This is where we come in. The body of Christ has a choice. Will we look only to the surface or to the heart? Can we have eyes to truly see the invisible? No matter what can we love? Christ has put a love in each believer that is his. It is a love that is so high and wide and deep that we can’t even begin to understand how it runs. Will we allow ourselves to be so filled with this love that it can only pour out of us/

Before Christ we were each invisible. Ephesians 6:8 tells us, ‘For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light” We were the darkness that engulfs this world. Melding into the background, no one noticed. Yet, in Christ we became the light. We ceased being invisible. Shining, no one can deny who we are or where we come from. Therefore, we must live as children of the light. Children of the light shine on the darkness. Exposing the hidden things, they are no longer invisible.

When you are light, you can not help but shine. In this love of Christ, the invisible are seen. The darkness is made light. Make this the day that you let your life shine. May this be the day that the lost are found.. Can we show these invisible children that they too can shine? The world that surrounds them may try to hide them in the darkness. Daily they feel as if it engulfs them a little more. We must teach them that there is so much more than a mere existence. There is a life for them to live. Living as children of the light with them then they can see. A beautiful flame is never forgotten.

Relationship lost....and found

I sat staring at the computer screen and the tears began to well up within me. It was not long before sobs began to rack my whole body. Finally, we had gotten back in touch. There were her words on the screen before me. Her heart was broken too. For it had been way too long since we last talked. There had been too much lapsed time to tell her I loved her. Yet, here she was now, an email before me, where I could tell her that I still loved her the same.

As you walk your life in inner city youth ministry there are many children who come close to your heart. As the years go by you learn that there are different relationships with different students. Some you spend time with weekly, others daily, and others you disciple. However, there is a small number who become family.

These are the children who are always with you. They assimilate into family life with you. This is a relationship that genuinely goes deep to a unique core. You invite them on family vacations, and their pictures hang on your walls next to or even with your biological children. Really, they are a part of your family. When things go well you rejoice with them, yet, when they hurt you hurt too.

However, no matter how much time you invest, they do not belong to you. The Lord allows these special relationships and bonds, but in the end they are His. One can spend a lot of time teaching a child the way they should go, but in the end they are allowed to make their own decisions.


Even if you have walked for a long time with a child, the world is constantly tempting them. In the inner city everything thing you tell them about the truth is antithetical to the life they see lived around them. So the streets remain very enticing. You may have seen them get, saved and baptized and grow. Yet, the war rages within as Paul declared, “What I don’t want to do I do, and what I don’t want to do I do!!”

So it goes that a child that has really felt the love of Christ gets sucked into bad choices. The crisis of the hood’ gets to them once again. One day they don’t call, then they are not there when you stop by, group is no longer of any interest to them. Relationship is lost. You are disappointed and heart broken.

As they make one poor choice after another you start to question yourself. Maybe you were too hard or too soft. Perhaps, there wasn’t enough prayer. Not enough time in the Word. However, if they truly belong to the Lord then you have to live like that. For it is Christ who brings their salvation, not you. Christ brings freedom. Christ, brings healing. Christ brings hope. You just get to be that jar of clay that shines HIS glory.

I believe the reason why you ache when they run away is because the Lord does. Are you broken? Yes, but, you have to trust that the foundation is there. You sit next to the Father on the front porch waiting for this wandering child to come home. You pray…. without ceasing. You never stop loving them… ever. You hope.


Then one day they do come running home. Sometimes the Lord allows you to join in that day. He lets you see them through his eyes coming down the road from a long way off. Your heart leaps for joy. Shame covers them. You don’t care where they have been or what they have done. That love that is so wide and high and deep, that has redeemed you wells up within. Throwing your arms out, you remind them that you never stopped loving them. Then you sit at your computer and weep as a broken heart is mended.

Storms

I love listening to the Lord. I love it when he burdens your heart for his kingdom. Sometimes we can begin to think that we are crazy, that the voice we hear really only belongs to us. Then ever so gently he pricks our hearts and reminds us that His is that still small whisper that brings peace.. This is what he did for me just this morning.

I was talking to a good friend of mine about an outreach even that my ministry is sponsoring next Sat. right in the heart of the “hood. It looks to be a fun day filled with games for the kids, puppets, free food and music. The portion of the day that has grabbed a hold of me the tightest though is the “Mom’s Only Corner.” This is going to be a spot where Moms can come to get pampered for even a few moments, alone. We are going to do their nails, have some skin care techniques and we are even going to raffle off some gift baskets as prizes for them to take home!!! My friend is going to be helping out with the skin car portion of our corner. As we chatted She expressed a desire to focus on beauty from the inside out. As wet talked she suggested that we offer up a verse to the women for the day, just for her table. I had just been thinking that very same thing . She declared you know what verse we should use? The one itht talks about God comforting the afflicted city!” I was dumfounded. For months I had been chewing on that very passage. I knew right where it was. “That’s Isaiah 54,” I cried To me it is one of the best descriptions of the heart of the inner city. When I see a broken and hurting person, this is the passage that comes to mind.

I shared with her how close this passage had been to me for awhile now. We both knew then that is was DEFINITELY the verse the Lord wanted out that day.

Yet why is this the passage that the Lord might want a women raising her children in the inner city to know? Specifically, w e find the passage in :Isaiah 54:10-13 “Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the Lord, who has compassion on you. "O afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted, I will build you with stones of turquoise, your foundations with sapphires. I will make your battlements of rubies, your gates of sparkling jewels, and all your walls of precious stones. All your sons will be taught by the Lord, and great will be your children's peace.”

So many vivid images! No matter what the Lord loves you. Life will come to shake you down and push you out and yet, His love will remain steadfast his peace will be solid within us. This is not a wishy-washy love. This is a love that will grab hold of us, planted deep and not let go. Whether the world falls around us or not, we can not fall when a love like this holds us up.

The Lord who has compassion on us tells us this. If compassion is sympathy that is moved to action, then the God of the universe hurts not just for us or even with us, but to a point where He brings change. He sees that we are “Afflicted, lashed by storms and not comforted. Each of us feels this way at times.

Yet, when you watch a single mom from the ‘hood as she struggles daily against drowning in the destitute situation that surrounds her, one sees a city that is “Lashed by storms.” Even for the Moms who do not allow the storm inside their homes, it is the walls of their lives that come under attack, all the time. This is the perfect description for someone constantly trying to allow burdens too heavy to fall off their back.

But, then there is the promise. The Lord knows , he sees and he is moved to action. He replaces the broken walls with new ones. Filled with precious gems and beauty, he see what is meant to be.. Foundations are laid solid in mom and then this love spills over onto her family. Not only does Christ care about the individual, but he cares for the children their families.

Christ came for the purpose of taking those that are beaten up and bruised and replacing that “affliction” with comfort, purpose and peace.

Even as I ponder this passage once again, I can see how often it applies to my own life. Christ said about himself in Luke 4: “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."

Before Jesus, I was captive to sin, hurt and desperation. This is the only comfort I can genuinely offer to a people who are beaten down and who often are a part of the beating I have been there. I see this love that is so high and wide and deep that it captured me. In order for me to withstand the lashing of the world I had to be transformed. From aplace where there is no comfort, to the rest of my savior’s arms.

I believe more today than ever t that this is the passage that the Lord brings to mind, for the inner city, for next Sat. because he so longs for each of us to be free. To dwell in peace. For that peace to overflow to our children. For those that Jesus sets free are free indeed, even from the storms of the past.