Merry Christmas

Christmas. CHRISTmas. Celebrating the birth of our Savior. Immanuel, God is with us. The creator of the universe left His throne to be born in an animal barn pungent with the stench of dung. His first moments on earth were spent wrapped in rags, in the arms of a teen Mom who laid him to rest in a feeding trough. Angels sang of his glorious arrival. He even created a star in the heavens merely to announce that the King had finally come. POWER! MAJESTY! GLORY! Coming to spend merely 33 years walking among us, purposing to die. Carrying our inequities upon his shoulders. So that as He breathed his last, whispered, “It is finished,” the curtain might tear. No longer would we have to jump the hoops of being good enough. Now we can proclaim once and for all, “None are righteous, no not one!” Only Jesus paved the way. He is the truth; the way and the life and no one can come to the Father except through him. Knowing from the moment time came into being that there was no other choice, but to come to hold us tangibly for a while so that He might hold us forever. It all began with a baby.

Yet, every year this is the holiday that swirls around me and seems to turn upside down. A million people are pulling at me. Sure there is the natural business of the season, gifts and family and food and that need to connect. However, for my family it is more. There were over 700 families who received toys from Urban Youth Impact on Saturday. Then there was the weeks of running to get ready for just that day. Children who would have had nothing under the tree now will be able to wake with a smile on their face. Another party on Sunday with a well meaning church who just longed to show the love of Christ a little bit deeper. Now I am overwhelmed and in motion once again. The “dark side” to these events is the fights that take place in line while waiting to pick out toys. The mentality that they are going to get theirs no matter what can crush a spirit. Pre-registrations for the event that try to scam the system full of lies and deceit. A crowd full of people missing Jesus for what they are going to get. Well meaning volunteers not understanding why the staff is exhausted and why we are not able to take a little extra time to drive 2 hours away to pick up the toy they want to donate. Having to talk down those same volunteers as to why we can’t accomplish it all.

I find myself every holiday season wondering who I am in this for. Is it for me to get a good feeling from serving? Is it for the people to see the love of Christ and know His love? Is it just because I love Jesus and I want to just live for Him? As I run from one “event” to the next I wonder if I really see that tiny baby in the midst of it all. Honestly, I struggle every year. I want to be caught up in the hope. Instead I find myself just a little calloused from the years of being yelled at from not doing enough.

Then I catch a glimpse of a child’s smile. My own children “work” the Christmas carnival making bows in the gift-wrapping tent. They understand who Jesus is. I am reminded again the words of Isaiah,” Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel.” Then of how the prophesy was fulfilled as told in Matthew, “"The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel"--which means, "God with us." I remember that God told us His name before he came on the scene and then that was what we called Him.

He is with us. When we are jaded and mean and selfish. The love of this season is not always easy to see. Why? The world rejected Him the moment he got here and has been shunning Him ever since. His life here was spent trying to show love to those who didn’t want to see it.

I can only look for His face, as Christmas can seem as if it slips away. I must remember that it cannot be just one season that I recall who He is and what He has accomplished. My heart must be soft to His touch. I must extend that it grace to others not just because I have put up the decorations on the tree, but everyday.

The most important gift ever given was that of eternal life and relationship with my Omnipotent God. I guess the least I can do everyday is give that gift away. Over and over again, showing that the whole point is that intimate relationship, until we get to see Him again. For next time he arrives, the King will not be hiding in a stable.

Hey There!

No, just a week after promising to write daily I have not forgotten. I have been caught up in a whirlwind that at Urban Youth Impact we like to call Christmas. Tomorrow we will provide over 1,000 families toys for their children for Christmas.

Families arrive and while their children are able to be a part of a carnival, parents "shop." This means they are able to enter a tent with toys and pick out gifts for their children. The only charge? Realtionship. Those involved in our programs are able to "shop" first and then it is opened up to the rest of the community. The goal is to merely show the love of Christ in a very tangible way.

When I have a brief moment I will tell you more about my heart at this time of year. However, I needed to pause for a moment and share a story.

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to witness a family truly embracing Crhistmas for the first time. A local Christian radio station had asked to sponer a family for Christmas. Early in the morning the statrion arrived at my friend's house who lives in the public housing projects here in West Palm.

They arrived on the scene with an arm load of presents and a live Christmas tree with all the decorations. Then the 2 year old of the family saw everything. With the most beautiful smile in the world His face lit up. Plugging in the lights, his face was in awe of all that was going on around him. One of the dj's pulled out a nativity scene. They had purposely bought a scene that was soft so that the children could interact with. His Mom turned from her own glee (at 30 she had never had a live tree before)and procalimed, "Miss. Leneita can tell you who all of those people are in that scene. We shared a moment as I was able to point out baby Jesus and explain truly who He is. This is Christmas!!!

The presents, the tree all of it are nice, yet the reality that a child can understand who Jesus is that is a miracle!

I promise to write more soon. In the meantime if you would like to see pictures from this fun time together you can go to:
wayf.wayfm.com click on "Brant's Blog of Awesomeness" "Christmas in Dunbar Village." you can see for yourself how the the light of Christ can shine on a 2 year old's face.

Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart,
All you who hope in the Lord (Psalm 31:24).

Very Rewarding

I know all the platitudes. The “Christianize” is clear. Yes, I know, I know the truth in my heart. However, I am compelled today to let the dirty little secret out of the bag. Are you ready? Those of us who are in “full time” ministry often struggle.

Shhhh! I am afraid someone might hear. Don’t let too many people know it. For somehow those of us in this have listened so often to the words of others that we have convinced ourselves that we are perfect. Or more appropriately we think that we should be. Giving out multitudes of grace to others, there isn’t any left over for ourselves.

“Official” ministry is such a funny thing. When you ask the average believer to describe what it means to be in ministry or to do ministry, you will get a lot of different answers. Some might use words like “purpose” or “calling.” Still others will define what their ministry is, such as, their family, or maybe their church. Then there are those who get paid to be “in ministry.” For some reason the entire Christian community seems to hold this belief that when you finally attach a paycheck to the ministry angle, then you have truly “arrived.” This is the point of Spiritual high that you have been waiting your whole life to achieve. I am not certain where this comes from

What I do know is that often when I am asked what I “do” for a living I have a conversation that is similar to the following:

“What do you do?” I am asked pleasantly enough. “My family and I spend time with at risk children in the inner city of West Palm Beach telling them about the love of Christ,” is usually where I begin. Then I will usually spin into a 3 or 4 minute dissertation on the programs we offer and how all of them are really for the purpose of bringing these children hope and the ultimate goal is that they would embrace the hope offered them through a personal relationship with Jesus. I will pause long enough to catch my breath and see whether or not I should continue. The center of the conversation will usually smile politely and open their mouth to say something. That is the moment in time I can feel it rising. Here it comes. “That must be very rewarding.” They quip. Almost every time, that is what I hear. There are times when a little variety is thrown into the statements, such as, “I could never do something like that.’ Perhaps, I might even get the occasional “I don’t know how you do it.” They really all mean the same thing, “I feel guilty because I don’t do what you do, and really should have some desire to do what you are doing. However, I don’t. Please don’t ask me to help.”

Now I am afraid that I might sound a little bitter here. Please do not misunderstand. These statements are usually said because people don’t have any idea what else to say. In their hearts they begin to believe that they too should so something more, but they don’t do not know what to do. What they are saying is misguided, not mean.

Yet usually when such assertions are made in my direction, my mind will wander to my most recent interactions with the students I spend time with at Urban Youth Impact. Maybe it was the day before when I had to break up a fist fight at the After School Program between two seven year old boys just after we have finished a life skills lesson on patience. Maybe it was the time that I stepped in the midst of a screaming match between two others youth as they cursed and sputtered, just before they were to leave for Bible study where they attended regularl to learn the fundamentals of the love of Christ. It could be the time I drove around that one night for a high school girl’s Bible study for three hours to make sure no one was forgotten. Then after the study I went out of my way to take some of the girls to Taco Bell. They became angry that I was too tired to then take them to 7-11 so they could “buy a pack of gum,” a.k.a check out the new guy that works there. Looking at the clock and realizing that I might get home at 11:30 PM I was frustrated with playing chauffer and when I dared to suggest this to them it was somehow my fault for they “didn’t ask to go to Taco Bell.”

Many time I desire to look these people square in the eye and tell them of every tear that I cry for these children. How the lives that they live and worse the lives they are offered kill me and are killing them. About how without Jesus they will remain a statistic from the “Hood.”

NO, “Rewarding” is not the word I would use and it is NOT the reason why I do this.” Yet, instead my reaction is usually something more like, “Well, the Lord is always leading. That is why I do what I do” Sometimes I simply will just say, “Yes it is.”

Truthfully many times I want to scream; because the reality is that many days I struggle with exactly why I do what I do. Once a reporter asked me how often I felt like giving up and quitting. Through a wide smile a replied, “DAILY!” I have to fight those thoughts moment by moment that the work I do does not matter.

It does matter to the Lord. I know this to the core of my being. Yet, honestly, some days my flesh rises up and I want to “feel” like it matters here on earth to. That is why it is so flawed to concentrate solely on what we “do” for the Lord. Yes, James tells us that faith without works is dead. Yet, the Psalmist proclaims, “Better is one day in your courts (Lord) than a thousand elsewhere.”

The problem with concentrating on thinking you have “arrived” or are in a “rewarding” position is that you just might believe it. For, it is really not about what you do, but who you are with your Lord. When I start getting so down and focused on the “woe is me,” I have to ask myself when the last time was that I really spent time enjoying my Savior? When was my last “Mary” moment when I simply sat at His feet and listened contently?

I have a good friend who home schools her 7 children and is in the process of adopting 3 more. Yep, that’s right there will be ten children in all. She is often bombarded with the same question. Why? This is the ministry to which she is called. People don’t get it. We laugh about it.

Somehow the body has this belief that we should all be doing the same thing. Why? Then we would not be a “body” of believers. Just know that the Lord does call each of us to do something.

Why? Because we must know that we can do nothing else than what we are called to do. “Woe to me if I don’t preach the gospel.” Paul proclaimed. For my friend and I there is a specific “fire in our bones” as Jeremiah spoke of. HE knew it wasn’t easy asked. He asked God to remove it so that he might have a normal life. I would contend when you are so in love with your Lord all you can do is live for him. It bubbles over and you know that if you don’t live passionately for him you are outside of His will.

However, we all need to be reminded of that sometimes. Nope, those of “in ministry” us are not perfect at all. We just spend our days living for Jesus. We just realize how narrow the road really is. The lost voices call out to us from the darkness. They haunt our souls. By the strength of God and using the Word as the lamp for our feet, we follow one step at a time. Our torches lifted high, we must be children of the light.

The secret is out. No perfection here, just calling. We are nothing special. It is just I listened to my Lord and followed Him. Some days I follow out of desire and some days it is a little heavier on the obedience side. There are days when I don’t “feel” like doing it. It is an act of my will totally and completely.

One day Jesus himself turned to the twelve after so many other disciples had left and asked the question, "You do not want to leave too, do you?" Jesus asked the Twelve. Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God." John 6:67-69

I would say that pretty much sums it up.

Battle weary

Lying in bed staring at the ceiling, I begin my conversation with the Lord daily as my eyelids flutter open. I have learned that I cannot even swing one foot out of bed without giving Him my day immediately. My schedule is the first thing to go usually. Then slowly but surely I un-grip my fists and release control of everything else. I must force myself to remember the truth before the day has even begun. For as we are told in Psalm 121 the Lord has not been slumbering or sleeping. All night long He has been engaged in battle for me. The one that is neither with flesh nor blood but with the spirits and principalities of this world. Fighting THE enemy who tries and make me forget where my home is. It is not here. I am a stranger here. In my dreams, He tries and erases my focus. So as each day begins I must choose to remember and let it all go.

A huge bulls eye is right on my back. When we get on that very narrow road walking with Christ, Satan is constantly trying to get his dirty little paws on us to push us off. When you choose to take the plunge into ministry of any kind it gets worse. He longs to be God. He hates Jesus because He is. Therefore, we get caught in the crossfire as He is trying to displace the one and only true God. As servants of the most high, his mouth fills with the stench of disgust as we are proclaiming who the only Salvation truly is.

Then you choose to walk into the inner city. My favorite description is that it is “the devils playground.” He is so firmly, deeply and obviously rooted here that He has a special hatred for those of us who come with blazing torches to light the path out.

Those of us who are called there feel like we are constantly falling over from the weight of holding our shields so high. Fiery arrows never cease to rain down on us. Exhausted, we try to do it in our own strength. We succumb to temptation. Opening the door we let the world in and don’t flee from its pollution. Then the enemy comes to chop us down and apart.

Our armor is not just for protection so we can sit and get pummeled, we forget. It is meant for us to stand on the front lines and fight. Yet, lately, especially, the fight has been really hard. The arrows are sticking in around me. I ache. I am battle weary.

James 4: 7&8a “Submit yourselves then to God. Resist the Devil and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you.” If I hold my ground, Satan the deceiver has to flee. Drawing close to my Savior he moves in closer to me. We are in this together. He does not merely give marching orders and then we are out there on our own. He gives the orders. Fights alongside us, then is the power that courses through our veins in this war.

As Moses stood with arms lifted high so that the Israelites might win the battle, our Lord has already won this war.

It does not disqualify us from the fight. Until we see Him face-to-face we won’t be done.

“Give us this day, our daily bread.” (Luke 11:3) Basically we are asking the Lord to take care of our needs for today. While the war is huge we disable it one fight at a time. This is a way of keeping us focused on the reality that He takes care of us, always. He reminds us when we pray that we have to be focused in this battle for this day.

Honestly, though I can relate to Moses that day with arms lifted high. For there were two who made sure his arms did not fall that day. He was not God, he was human. As I am completely. Truthfully, today I could use a little of that help myself. This is the Lord’s Day. For not just in the morning, but as I, we wage through the day we give over each moment in time, back to His hands. I am dead only he lives in me.

Yet, we are not meant to do this alone. So today could you take a moment and pray for this soldier? I can not give up or slow down. Refusing to come away from the front lines I just need some reinforcements. Will you stand with me today as I resist the Accuser? Together we can watch him run away. We already know who wins.

Giving this a try...

Hey All My Faithful Readers...

Well I found out yesterday that in the year and a half that I have had this blog, it has only been viewed 107 times. Ironic, since I just posted a couple of days ago that I don't write because anyone is reading.

At first , to be honest, my heart sank a little. Obvioulsy I am not quite as spiritually noble as I claim to be!!! Then the Lord spoke quietly to me on 2 areas.

First of all, while I know some of you read pretty often, I have been amazed at the people who surprise me that are reading. Second of all I have know for awhile that I am supposed to write way more often than I do.

So I am stepping out of the boat and taking the plunge!!!! I am going to attempt to update this daily. No more excuses. I am going to make the time to write. If these are a sort of love letter to my Lord, why am I not writing more often.

I hope that you are as excited as I am. Please keep me in your prayers.

I will keep you posted !

Winter

Winter. Having grown up in a frozen part of Massachusetts it is a word that conjures up so many vivid images. The sky gets dim and the trees are bare. A crisp coldness weaves its way beneath the skin down to the bones. Icicles hang from the edges of the roofs. A white blanket of snow covers the land. Beneath its layers grass as gone dormant trading the brilliance of its green coated blade for one that is a dull brown. For me this was always winter.

Recently, as I sat deep in conversation with a group of young men from the public housing projects of West Palm, I was struck that our lives can often mimic nature. It can feel as if we are living in winter, no matter that season outside. There are periods when the sun seems dulled and the cold cuts to the quick.

The discussion had begun as to why one of “our” boys from the program there had not been coming around. As he described the fact that he had been “on punishment” (grounded) by his Mom, talk quickly turned to life at home. Mom is living with an abusive boyfriend who she breaks up with weekly, until he can weasel his way back in. All they do is fight with each other. The reason the boy got into trouble? He stood up to the boyfriend for being abusive. Suddenly, the other boys at the table began to share their own home lives. Dads were absent. Life at home was loud and angry. Alcohol, drugs, hurt, and chaos encircled their tiny worlds.

Their words hung heavy in the air that surrounded me. I began to wonder if they could only exist through their childhood? Would they ever be able to laugh, play and enjoy the innocence of being a kid? How do you honor your parents when they hurt you making horrible choices?

I began to feel the heaviness of their words as they hung heavy in the air above me. It is easy to explain to these children the power of choice. You choose to punch Robert in the head; the consequence for your choice is that you must miss a day of program. When you make the choice to sin, then you, yourself has to deal with God in it. It gets a little stickier when you are trying to explain how another person’s sin can explode all over them like an ink bomb from a bag of stolen money.

Much later in the day far after the conversation had drawn to a close the Lord brought me to Psalm 74:17 “It was you (God) who set all the boundaries of the earth, you made both summer and winter.” That’s it! Winter is just a season. The winter of their souls, of their circumstances will not last forever. Summer will come. The days of enjoying the warmth on their cheeks as they bask in the light will come.

“I write to you young men because you are strong and the word of God lives in you and you have overcome the evil one.” 1 John 2:14 A perfect definition of summer. In the summer of our souls we are strong, because the Word of God lives in us as we have overcome the evil one.

The reality is that the Lord created both winter and summer alike. I believe this is to remind us that He does not love us in spite of our pain; he loves us because he knows we are in pain.

We all need to remember that it is only because of the Lord that we can thrive in any season. He can and will give these young men the miracle of blossoming in the middle of their winter. As they discover the truth that comes with a Savior who remains faithful, the same yesterday, today and forever.

Now I know exactly what to say. Summer is on its way!!!