Chapter 8...

Everyday I work with children who don’t know what the Lord has intended them to be. They are unaware that the Lord has many promises set out before them. In sitting down to read with a 12 year old girl the other day she informed me at how she was going to fail before we even began. “Who told you this?” was the question I brought forth. “Was it your Mom, an Aunt, someone in your family, maybe even a teacher,” I asked. Shocked at the bluntness of my question she denied that it was anyone at all. Yet, I could tell by the way her shoulders slumped and her head hung that this was untrue. So, I caught her eye. Looking in deeply I held her gaze, “You are smart, and you are capable. God has made you this way. You can do this.” They were not extravagant words, however, I could tell by the expression she held that they were not words that were heard often.

No one has told her the simple truth brought forth by Romans 8:1, “ There is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.” When Jesus has you, he always forgives. He does not condemn he corrects. No one has told her that if she gives her life over to Christ she becomes a child of God.

In an effort to motivate a group of 30 little girls ages 7-13 last week the Lord gave me an amazing analogy. I began to tell them that if we accept that God is our Father and are led by Him then we know that He is a king. If we are His children, his daughters even then we are children of the king. “What does that make us then?” I put out for them to ponder. “A PRINCESS!” one little girl squealed. Then we began to talk about all of the qualities of a true princess. About how they are kind and respectful and walk in all the ways of the Lord. They began to sit up straighter. Their heads were held higher. Why? Because someone had told them that they are children of the KING!

No one has told them that Christ is “pleading for us all day long.” When a 13 year old went to her mentor telling her how much she hated going home each day because her Mom is gone and her Dad is an addict who takes his anger out on her, these are truths that she needs to know.

They all need to know:

“What can we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? Since God did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won't God, who gave us Christ, also give us everything else? Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? Will God? No! He is the one who has given us right standing with himself. Who then will condemn us? Will Christ Jesus? No, for he is the one who died for us and was raised to life for us and is sitting at the place of highest honor next to God, pleading for us. . Can anything ever separate us from Christ's love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or are hungry or cold or in danger or threatened with death? (Even the Scriptures say, "For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep." ) No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from his love. Death can't, and life can't. The angels can't, and the demons can't. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can't keep God's love away. Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”


All of the promises I have laid out are merely from the 8th chapter of Romans. We must ask ourselves: How many more promises of God do they need to hear? How much more is in His Word that we must share? How much more do we need to take truly to heart so that we might give it away?

Perplexed...

The question was asked of me lately why I still care. The Mom of the city and her children break my heart. As of late some specific Moms. There is one family that the Mom suffers from such severe depression that all she does is sleep. She just can’t face each new day. In her mind there is nothing to wake up for. She is sleeping in the living room of yet another friend’s house. Her kids are in survival mode. Food may or may not happen that day.

Yesterday I found out another Mom was dying. This is a Mom who is my age or maybe younger. For years now her own Mom has been raising her children. Many years ago the Grandma found the love of Christ, radically. So much so she let Him ravage her life. So much so that she is on staff with us at UYI now to teach other Moms of the “hood” how to not just accept Jesus but follow him and teach their own children how to follow him. For all of these years she has waited for her own daughter to really “get it.” We are not ready to let this young woman go, “Jesus has too many plans for her still,” as her Mom, GP says. However, this is not a woman who has lived her life for Christ. She has made many poor choices. These choices have rippled into consequences that have hurt those around her and finally herself. It came on suddenly. Her tuberculosis was under control. Then she forgot to take some of her medicine. Fluid has built up around her heart and she can not breath on her own. Her life is one of disappointments that we await to dawn into a full new creation.

Just the other day I had a conversation with a seven year old child. Her uncle was hit by a train this past weekend. However, this was not the reason that her mood was really so upset. The family was fighting over whether or not he deserved to die. Apparently, he was not considered a very nice man by many. The reasons for being at the train tracks were not exactly legal. So many felt that this was just what he deserved. Therefore a seven year old child was caught in the cross fire of the “drama,” of this family. Instead of thoughts being turned toward the loss of a life on so many levels, it was about if he should be dead anyway.

That begs the question brought to the surface by so many. “Don’t they deserve it anyway?” These are not the stories of a young mother who has lived her whole life for Christ and was attacked by brain cancer. These are hardened, war torn people who probably do “deserve” what they get. They have made choices that have crippled their lives. However, I am no less of a sinner. I deserve the same death. There is nothing that separates us. I am capable of exactly the same choices.

“What can we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? Since God did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won't God, who gave us Christ, also give us everything else? Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? Will God? No! He is the one who has given us right standing with himself. Who then will condemn us? Will Christ Jesus? No, for he is the one who died for us and was raised to life for us and is sitting at the place of highest honor next to God, pleading for us. Can anything ever separate us from Christ's love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or are hungry or cold or in danger or threatened with death? (Even the Scriptures say, "For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep." F36 ) No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from his love. Death can't, and life can't. The angels can't, and the demons can't. Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can't keep God's love away. Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8: 31- 36

In the end shouldn’t it be out of compassion that we are moved to action? Not just once, but over and again. Shouldn’t we stand in the gap for those who can’t lift their heads for lack of hope? Christ’s love wants to transform us. It wants to turn us from survival to those who thrive. We must pray that these Moms are brought back from the edge of death both in the spiritual and physical. I hunger for miracles. I hunger to see the Lord use them in the plans he mapped out for them. Please pray with me today. Please cry out to the Lord on their behalf. Please remember that Christ’s love is large enough for all of us. May none of us get what we “deserve.”

Will you especially pray for the Mom with TB this day.  She is doing very poorly and needs the Lord to wrap His healing around her body.  May this be the day she runs into the world once and for all screaming from the hill tops what Jesus has done for her...

Momentary

An acquaintance of mine died last night. It is odd to say that I didn't know her well, because for the several months I have been standing in the gap with hundreds of others believing for her earthly healing.

My husband had been an assistant youth pastor many eons ago for a suburban church. A young man and his high school sweetheart were a part of his group. They grew up, went to college and got married. Then a little over a year ago the sweetheart was diagnosed with Stage IV brain cancer.

Several months ago Darren put out a call to prayer. His faith strengthened and began to firmly stand on the promises of the Lord. He fully believed that the Lord was going to heal Misty here on earth. Even when the prognosis was given to go home "and wait to die," she appeared to get better.

However, the Lord's ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts. We can not claim to understand so many things about our Lord and Savior. He has chosen to heal Misty by bringing her home.

In the midst of it all the Lord has given Darren "the peace that passes understanding." As he shared with the world this day the loss of his beloved wife the words that he shared were those of Paul to the church at Corinth:

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

Even in his sorrow, Darren understands that this loss is temporary. He will one day be with Misty again. They will dance at the throne of Grace together.

In the middle of it all the Lord remains the same yesterday, today and forever. I can't claim to understand any of it. I was just explaining yesterday to a young woman of the "hood" that giving her life to Christ does not promise that circumstances will change. However, we are given the assurance of hope and a life that is not lived alone. Who wants to go through it alone?

Does this mean that Darren's faith did not move mountains? No, we are assured in Matthew 17 by Christ himself, "...If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you. " Really it is just the mountains that we thought would move did not. Misty was healed differently than we thought she would be. Yet, literally thousands of people have visited their site daily. He has started a ministry called Anthem of Hope to provide hope for those who are or have family members struggling with chronic illness. His light has shined so brightly in the midst of his honest humanity.

I can not claim to know why the Lord does not work things out the way we want them. All I can say is that I do know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he has our best interest in mind. It may sound trite, but the Lord really loves this little family so much that He sees beyond today. Through, their strength I have been reminded to keep my eyes on eternity.

Won't you join me today and pray for Darren and their little girl Olivia who can not possibly understand any of this at less than 2 years old. May we continue to stand in the gap for this family. Be assured Misty is finally well once again. However, we will all miss her very much.

For who?

Sometimes the weight of the world that we see can become the very thing that cuts into our soul. One of our mentors had noticed that one of the 12-year-old children who attend our programs had scars all over his arms. They looked as if someone had lashed him at some point in the past. These wounds were not new, but old hardened scars. The mentor being moved to compassion asked him about them. Very nonchalantly the boy answered, “Oh- those happened when I used to live in Haiti.”

The next day the mentor continued to be moved by the sight of the old wounds. What were these? Although they were far from fresh the mentor filled out an incident report. Family services is called. Was the child cutting themselves? Were they abused here? What exactly happened in Haiti? What makes a child just shrug off scars that go up and down an arm?

For us the heaviness sets in. Why do we have to witness scenarios such as this over and again. Feeling helpless the mentor turned to me at the end of the day and asked, “How have you done this for so long?” I knew that he was asking about my length as a missionary to the inner city. “Jesus.” I answered. “He called me here, so I stay until He tells me to go.”


“Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power forever and ever. Amen.” 1 Peter 4:10-12

It is all about administering God’s grace. It is about giving this away. We can get bogged down in the evilness of the world, or we can step up and be the hands and feet of God that He asks us to be.

In the first two weeks of programs another one of our mentors has been pro active and contacted each of the parents of the children in his group of 12. Over and again the response has been the same. “You care? Can you help me?” For some it is as simple as asking that we might come along side and make sure that homework is done at the end of the day. Yet, for most it is becoming, “Will you spend time with me. Will you help me show my child the right way?’ I am overwhelmed by parents who are as weighed down by the heaviness as we are. When we offer service in the strength of Christ then we will begin to really see a changed life… I believe it is a way of asking for help on so many levels.

It has to faithfully doing what the Lord asks us to do. A 13 year old young woman told me last week that there has not been one generation of women in her family who has been married when they had children. They have all been single Moms and mostly teen Moms. Her Mom has asked her to break the cycle. Neither Mom or daughter can accomplish this on their own. They will need Christ to give them power.

Jesus has put me here all of these years to remember that I am not doing it for me. I am not to get sucked into the despair. I am to be faithful in what He has asked me to do. It is so that Christ can be praised. When the city is transformed He will be the one to get the glory….We can get bogged down, or we can be reminded that it can never be our strength that we walk in…

Sometimes we have to laugh...

At Urban Youth Impact we have a gentleman on staff who puts together videos. The children help put together a  weekly "news."  This is the music video that was in this week's news.   This is what "Garage Band" and a MAC can do..... Sometimes even us "inner city" missionaries have too much time on our hands...

Shine

As I sat and listened to the answers of what made these students afraid I was so sad. Once again to hear children tell their deepest fears are friends being shot, that they will contract AIDS or won’t grow into something more than a child of the “ghetto” just hurts.

Just a couple of days ago I had a conversation with a third grader who so rarely sees her father that when she does it is an occasion that warrants celebration of “Disney World” proportions. She just could not understand why my own children did not rejoice more after having been away from their Dad for a couple of days. Why weren’t we throwing a party or at least going out to eat? She could not comprehend that their father is such a normal every day part of their life that just getting to be with him again and have him home was enough.


Then there was the child who left her classroom screaming last week because someone had asked her where her Mom was. They didn’t know Mom is so sick no one knows if she will die. I found out that Shamora (the little girl who lived with us) and her Mom are homeless again. They are with a friend until the end of the week, but then will have to move into a shelter. All the shelters in the area that keep families together are full.

I see daily children who make fun of each other because they “stink” This is only to hide the truth of their own hurts. There are children among us who have no running water. They sleep on the floor or have never had a bed of their own. They live off of snacks that cost them less than a quarter. If they can point their fingers at each other though they won’t have to deal with the pain inside.

The darkness can be crushing some days. However, I believe that the truth that ties each situation is not a fear of failure, but of success. As Marianne Williamson wrote in a qoote made famous by Neslon Mandela and the movie “Coach Carter:”

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Or as the Bible more eloquently states:

“I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” Ephesians 3:16-20

What would this generation be if they grasped the true power that is with in them? Playing small doesn’t serve the world any purpose. But it is not in their own power that they can rise up. Having to take pictures of each child yesterday for our records the older they were the harder it was to get them to smile. They had to look “cool.” Which really means tough. But, as you speak life and tell them how beautiful they really are sometimes we can get the world to melt away. I love to watch the smooth skin wrinkle into those familiar laugh lines.

There is no inspiring speech out there that will make them shine. There is no amount of power within their own strength that can change anything. Yet, what if they allowed Christ in to really manifest HIS glory in their lives. Then is would be more they can think or imagine. My spirit soars at the mere thought of How Christ within each of them, us would transform a dieing world.

One day I pray they are ready for something so grand. For it is really meant for us all. This love of Christ will transform them. Then they will have a light to shine. They have no clue that they are the one’s to storm the darkness with pure light.. Through our Savior we have been given the right to be called children of God. Does any of us have any clue what that really means

What if....

Yesterday we gave the students in our programs an assignment. We are talking about Abraham this week and the idea of God "calling" you to do something for Him. Abraham was "called' to follow the Lord out of his comfy home and into a new land. Wanting to help the students understand the idea of doing something great for the Lord we asked them a series of "What if..." questions and asked them to make a book with pictures and words to express themselves. "What if you became president, what would you do?" "What if you were rich..." "What if you could change one bad thing in the world what would it be..." Finally the question was asked, "What if you were made for something amazing what would it be?"

Now you and I both know that each of us is made for something amazing. Ephesians 3 confirms it: verses 19&20 “May you experience the love of Christ, though it is so great you will never fully understand it. Then you will be filled with the fullness of life and power that comes from God. Now glory be to God! By his mighty power at work within us, he is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope.” With the work of the mighty power of God within us He is going to accomplish something that takes our breath away.

As I began to chew on this statement for myself, I began to wonder if I really did believe it in the depths of my soul. What does it mean to be "called" to something great? Oh sure I know the "Christianeeze" answer that giving my life away to the Lord is something great. However, the question that began to tickle my heart is, "What if it is an Abraham or Moses type of great?" Now I am not looking for power to lead a nation or become the mother of millions, that is not what I am saying here. Instead, I am asking, "What if God really does have that plan for me from Jeremiah 29:11?" What if it is alright to believe that God chooses to use me?

Honestly, there is this part of me that keeps those thoughts tucked deeply away. If I say it out loud then I must be seeking the wrong things right? Digging even deeper into my heart I found the true answer. I don't care if I accomplish anything. Yet, I do care that the Lord's name and kingdom is advanced.

Then I began to wrestle even harder. If I am called to something great and so is everyone else then what would/ could we accomplish if we really took this concept to the next level? If we each took to heart that the Lord has something amazing for us to do and we worked together for the Lord could we finally see a dieing world brought to life?

2 Cor. 9 states:

"Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.
Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver ."

While we tend to really think of this passage in terms of money the truth is that I believe it is meant for more than that. What if we really believed and took this concept to heart?

What if we sowed generously with our life? What if we did it together? What if we didn't just Belive "in " God, but we REALLY believed him? How would the whole world be different?

Hardened...

The moment he saw her he burst into tears. I had met her at the door and explained why we had to call. He was out of control. Kicking, screaming, hitting, destroying things around him. Then he would just shut down and become unresponsive. This little 5 year old soul was in turmoil. We had to bring in Mom.

Immediately, I recognized the familiar exhaustion around the eyes. The single Moms in the city carry this exhaustion differently. The ones who live alone with out the Lord appear worn, defeated, or even hardened. It is their job to take care of their children and they are doing it by themselves. Living without a spiritual and earthly husband their strength is spent.

This Mom had built many walls of protection over the years. “You didn’t baby him did you?” was her first question. “We have a certain procedure we follow in discipline,” was what I was saying out loud but in my heart I was thinking, “He’s 5.” “What have you done now?” were the first words she expressed as she saw him. “Boys don’t cry. Stop crying,” followed soon behind. She needed him to be strong. He had to carry his own load, for she just didn’t have the energy. There were too many other burdens for her to bear. Other siblings, bills, food on the table these are all the worries that crossed this young Mom’s brow.

Moments such as these are the ones where it is easy to judge. I am not talking about following through on consequences to this young man’s actions. He had hurt others in the classroom and he needed to go home. However, as you witness certain patterns in children of the city we can judge. We observe things that hurt our hearts. There are children who horde food in the same fashion as orphans. Clothes can be dirty or clean and overly worn. Then there is the anger. So much anger in so many so young. It is all the fault of the Mom who can’t do it all and the Dad who probably is no where to be found right? Then when you meet Mom it can be even more clear. They can appear hard, lost and out of control.

However, the truth is that none of us are meant to do anything alone. We are meant to let God do it through us. Zechariah proclaims, “Not by might, not by power, but by my spirit says the Lord!” When we try to walk away and walk out of this reality we crumble.

The Lord set it up that we are meant to have an earthly partner with which we are “one flesh” with to raise our children. It is so important to Him that he proclaimed it in the Old Testament (Genesis), Christ himself said these words when he was alive, and then Paul wrote it to the Ephesians after Christ’s death. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."

My husband has been away this week and I have not been able to keep it together. My house looks like a bomb went off. Laundry has piled up, I forgot to get the garbage out on garbage day. We have squeaked into school barley on time every day. I am not even sure if my children’s socks match. I declared to him this morning, “When you are away I feel so inept.” He quipped back, “When we are apart we aren’t supposed to feel “ept.” We are meant to do it together.” As I thought about this, the face of that Mom and so many others came immediately to mind. I have no idea how they do it. Without Christ it has to be impossible.

The single Mom’s of the city who know the Lord are different. They are tired but not broken. They have a well of strength to draw from. “For your Maker is your husband-- the LORD Almighty is his name-- the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.” Isaiah 54:5 They understand that their earthly husband may be missing, but the God of all the earth comes in to lift them up and redeem.

How beautiful it is when we know that we have both the one here on earth and the one in our Spirit. That is the only way I make it through a day.

So as I step back to wag my finger at the “fault” of the Mom of this boy of others I have to stop and contemplate for a moment. What separates us? What makes her so… welll… hurting? The only difference is choice. When Christ knocked I opened the door. He pursued me and I heard his voice and turned. That is all. Life is that fragile. I was only one choice away from walking in her shoes or the shoes of so many others. That one choice is what rolls ultimately in to another and another that are the consequences of being alone. We weren’t ever meant to be that way.

He burst into tears because he knew he would be “punished” when he got home. Why? She has to be in control for she doesn’t know there is anyone out there to help her. Maybe she just doesn’t know that there really is a choice.

Changed...

Crouching down I wanted to make eye contact. “I need to tell you a secret.” I got very close to this child’s ear. “Are you ready?” I asked with a twinkle in my eye. “Do you want to know?” The child was a little uncertain. “You are a leader. God has a special plan for you.” I stepped back and nodded knowingly. I stood up, and turned to walk away. Immediately, the light dawned on her face. The truth of what I had spoken began to sink in. Her face melted into a huge grin. She was glowing. Nodding slowly, she hesitantly agreed with me. Turning back I leaned in once more. “It’s true you are truly amazing.” Glowing, she returned to her activity.

As I have gone through this week I have had at least a dozen such conversations with children ranging in ages from 6 to 15. EVERY SINGLE TIME the reaction is the same. Every time a furrowed brow has relaxed. Every time the smile that over takes their faces is as the rising of the sun.

Why? It is simple. The truth sets you free. God has created each of us with a purpose and a plane, one filled with a hope and a future, not to harm us but to prosper us (Jer. 29:11). Transcending all barriers it is a truth that is offered to all. No matter where you come from or what you look like. God calls us leaders. He sees us as we really are. He knows us. He has always known. We can’t shake him or the reality that He is in pursuit of each of us. (Psalm 139) However, there are some of us who just don’t know.

Over and again this week, I have been able to share my secret with many who don’t know. They are not merely loved. They are cherished. Because they were created to be loved.

“A glad heart makes a happy face; a broken heart crushes the spirit.
A wise person is hungry for truth, while the fool feeds on trash.
For the poor, every day brings trouble; for the happy heart, life is a continual feast.” Proverbs 15:13-15

Poverty is not merely a state of economics. Sometimes it is a place. Sometimes we don’t know that there is a choice to be made. Sometimes it is an issue of the heart.
When this happens we can not change our own heart. We need a miracle. That can only come through Christ. We need life.

“Crushed,” creates the picture of someone or something that can’t be put back together or transformed. The spirit is sucked dry when the heart is broken. I would contend that every child, that I meet in the city, no matter their age is hungering for the truth at the depths of their being. They have come believe, however, that there is only trash. So this has become their supper. This is the reason why every day seems to fall apart at the seams. Yet, truth makes the heart glad. Over and again I have seen it. When the heart is full of truth, the love of Christ, the face shines. Our hands must extend with this hope to all around us.

That is what I offer as I walk the halls of Urban Youth Impact. Hope. Truth. Love. Life. Offered through the power of our Lord. There is transformation in His words spoken out. “You are special.” “You are smart.” “You are loved.” They may seem so trite. Yet, these statements are a cool welcomed rain, that softens once hardened hearts.. Once dull stares, carry a gleam in the eye. Seeds are being planted. I am thrilled to watch them grow.

I love my life...

When I am able to untangle from the weight of the world I realize that I truly love everything about my life. It doesn’t look like anyone else’s I know. In truth I spend most of my time teetering on the edge of what the world would call “insanity.” Then of course we are told in James that true religion is to “keep ourselves from being corrupted by the world.” So I guess then that in the end it shouldn’t matter what the world thinks at all.

Most of my life has been spent as a square peg that others try to whittle away to fit in the round hole. I just am not what you expect. I live my life at full throttle all of the time. There are many moments when I am still and quiet, but even in those I am intense. When my eyes close it is only for a moment to regain strength for the next day. Even then it is with the full knowledge that I can never live in my own strength. There is not a breath that I draw in my own power.

This is who I am. This is me as a servant of the Lord, as a lover of my Savior, as a missionary, a wife and a Mom. I can’t separate any one of these from the other. It is the interweaving of the fabric of my life. I take the words of Romans 12:11 -21 as a way of being.

“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”


Daily I am challenged by these words, all of them. For some days I do not want or feel like being loving at all. There are times when I am not patient in affliction or wanting to give anything away to anyone. I want my enemy to suffer, I don’t want to make him dinner? Yet, these words are the very reason why I am able to love my life. For there is nothing in this passage that indicated anything that I could do on my own without Christ in me at work.

I am a missionary to the city. Be at harmony with EVERYONE? I don’t know if I have a desire in my flesh to live at peace with the dealers and the prostitutes.

I want to be overcome by good. There is nothing that says my life is or will be easy. James indicates “when” we face trials of many kinds not if. No it isn’t east, but overall I am so very privileged to have it.

Why would the Lord allow me this awesome honor of serving him in the city? Why would he use me at all? I am overzealous. I talk too much. I am “in your face.” I have too many opinions. I look all wrong. I grew up in the woods. I remain a square peg in a world full of round holes. In short I have little to offer. I am a clay jar, with a lot of cracks and holes. But through all of those the light of the Lord is able to shine.

For each of us we have to be willing to be led down the path the Lord shows us. I am so thankful the Lord chose this one for me.

Transformation

After months of preparation yesterday was finally day one. The living outpouring of the power of relationship. Changing all of our programming at Urban Youth Impact to reflect that it is touch that transforms lives. We call it the Leadership Academy.

We have researched curriculum. The Lord has sent us the best staff. We have scheduled many things in the course of a day. There is homework time, Bible study, life skills, play, academic boosts, devotionals, and leadership training in the course of a day. However, these are all simple catalysts.

The truth is that we have become secret service agents for Christ. All the structure in the course of a day is simply so that we might have time. As a good friend of mine often quotes, “Children spell love TIME.”

Standing back and looking at all we did as a ministry we had to ask. “How many lives of the families that we are with are not just moved, but truly transformed?” Those that were radically different were all because someone had taken the time to pour love out on them. These are those who by witnessing a stalwart love have gone on not to merely “accept” Christ but live radical lives for him. Some of these friends now serve along side me in this new endeavor.

If lives were different when relationships were deep then this needed to be the way we approached all that we did here. If we were going to build deeper relationships then this meant that we needed a renovation. So we did something totally radical. We made a choice.

Oh, we would still have outreaches and touch the community around us. There would still be evangelical efforts. However, what we chose to do is take 120 children and give our lives to them and their families, every day. That is exactly what we have done.

Why you might ask? There is nothing less than a community made whole again that is our focus. A community is made up of individuals. These individuals are the next great generation of leaders. They just have never taken this to heart.

It is not they have not been told. They have not been shown. The word can not merely be in their heads, they must believe it with their whole hearts. So then it is our job to show them. Even a diamond to the untrained eye looks just like a lump of coal.

For "Anyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."
But how can they call on him to save them unless they believe in him? And how can they believe in him if they have never heard about him? And how can they hear about him unless someone tells them? . “ Romans 10: 13&14

Yesterday, Christ’s hands and feet were everywhere. His love was radiating. One of the most beautiful sights I have ever seen. Now these lumps of coal just need to believe that they are the most sought after gems on earth. By the end of the year, they will know.

I must decrease?

Lately I have been really grappling with the following statement, “ I must decrease so that Christ might increase.” Put another way, “He must become greater so I must become less.” If I am totally honest I am not really certain what that means. You would think as a missionary I would have it all figured out. Instead I too often find that I am fighting an up hill battle about who I am versus what I have to do.

John the Baptist uttered these same words to his disciples. John had been the only act in town and for 6 months basically, EVERYONE had come out to hear what he had to say. Yet, now the crowds had shifted and the people were listening to Jesus. John’s disciples were disgruntled. Who doesn’t like knowing that they are right in the middle of the action? But John knew. He knew that he was there to prepare the way for God. He tells them, in John 3, “I told you I was sent to prepare the way for God.” John was clear on his calling and his purpose. He was sent to come before the Messiah and let the world know that he was on his way. When God arrived, he had done his job. When he saw the Christ, he recognized him.

“For the one whom God has sent speaks the words of God, for God gives the Spirit without limit. The Father loves the Son and has placed everything in his hands. Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God's wrath remains on him." John 3:34-36

In truth I think I can lean more towards being like John’s disciples than John. “What about us?” “Don’t you care John that the crowds have stopped coming?” And that is when John says, “It is time for people to look to God and not to me. I need to back off so that He can be the one that all eyes are upon."

That is really the question at the heart of the matter. Why do I do what I do? Am I looking for accolades or what I like to call “the warm fuzzy factor?” Is it that I hope all voices will cry out, “Look at her, she does something so great. She is someone to be reckoned with.”

Now if you have walked in my shoes for even a second then you would know that you do not do inner city ministry to FEEL good. The reality is that it is a lot of planting and watering and waiting for the harvest to come.

Yet, I have found that you can become so pious and self-righteous in even this. “I don’t do it for the rewards,” can seem so holy. In truth it is just another excuse to try and raise yourself up.

This wrestling match does not just exist for me in the “official” missions field, but in everything. Did I buy my friend a gift so that I can get one too? Did I not tell my non-believing friend about Jesus because I was afraid they would walk away? Did I push Christ down someone’s throat because I could walk away feeling better than them?

Recently someone made the statement to me in reference to working in the city, “You must love what you do.” I stood there like an idiot for nearly 30 seconds. “That is a hard question to answer,” I finally choked out.

For the truth is I am in a constant state of testing not if I love it but why I love it. Do I love it because I am in this for Christ to see his kingdom glorified? OR Am I in it because I want to know I do and go places others are afraid of? Do I just want to feel like I am the “ultimate” Christian as a missionary?

In the end I must grapple with this question daily. I must remember like John that I am here just to prepare the way for Christ. My role in the city,  in life,  is to pave a road for Christ to grab a life. It can never be my job to “save” anyone. I can’t do it. That is why I will be working out what it means to really decrease for the rest of my earthly life.

Wind and Waves

Sitting on the beach I watched the incredible powerful surge crash upon the rocks. We found ourselves running to the crest of the breaking waves so that we could feel the cool spray upon our faces. As a matter of fact I have spent the last week staring at the surf as it powers against the shoreline.

My family and I have been away and yet staring at the coast line as the effects of hurricanes churn in the waters. The wind has picked up, the sky has been precarious and the ocean has been nothing less than powerful. It is in these moments that I can see the true hand of God. I am reminded that my Lord is almighty, that His love is strong and that I should be overwhelmed more often at who he is:

Jer. 31:35 “This is what the Lord says, he who appoints the sun to shine by day, who decrees the moon and stars to shine by night, who stirs up the sea so that its waves roar-- the Lord Almighty is his name!”

Psalm 93:3-4 “The mighty oceans have roared, O LORD. The mighty oceans roar like thunder; the mighty oceans roar as they pound the shore. But mightier than the violent raging of the seas, mightier than the breakers on the shore – the LORD above is mightier than these!”

Psalm 89:8-9 “O Lord God Almighty, who is like you? You are mighty, O Lord, and your faithfulness surrounds you. You rule over the surging sea; when its waves mount up, you still them.”

I ought to fall on my face in adoration at who my Lord is. Yet, instead I get caught up in my day to life. As I have stepped back and taken a look at the magnitude of my Lord I have been reminded of what he can do:

Isaiah 51: 14-16 The cowering prisoners will soon be set free; they will not die in their dungeon, nor will they lack bread. For I am the Lord your God, who churns up the sea so that its waves roar-- the Lord Almighty is his name. I have put my words in your mouth and covered you with the shadow of my hand-- I who set the heavens in place, who laid the foundations of the earth, and who say to Zion, 'You are my people.'"

Matthew 8: 24-27 “Without warning, a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him, saying, "Lord, save us! We're going to drown!" He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm. The men were amazed and asked, "What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!"

However, the truth is that I was reminded as the foam crested far above my head that I too often look away from my Savior. He comes to me in the storm walking on these very waves. He calls me from my comfort time and again to meet him there on the tops of the water. “If it is you Lord, I will come!’ “It’s me,” he cries. But then I get distracted by the wind and down I go.

The wind is the world. It is all of those things that cause me to be look around and forget about my Savior and what He would have me do. I was reminded this week that even ministry can be a distraction. I am not even talking about being “busy” as in the story of Mary and Martha. I can get bogged down in the minutia that just does not matter in the grand scheme of things. The details of my day become more important than the reality of Christ.

This week I was reminded what the lost look like. Sometimes the truth is that they don’t always look so lost. Other times you can see a life crumbling before you and you long to reach deep inside to heal the wound. In both places though these are souls aching for life. True life. Otherwise we are stuck to just exist.

As I stood back on two separate coastlines this week, I saw that it was one ocean. One God. He is not here for our benefit. Uniquely, He longs to see us restored to perfection. This is the place where we might walk with Him in pure reconciliation once again. This is why he went to the cross. This is why He conquered death. So that we don’t have to happen through life. Don’t you think the very God who can tame the ocean certainly could have avoided a traitor’s death?

I don’t believe anyone just wants to “happen” through life. In the city the prisoners are obvious. There are so many “good” things that I can offer them: some bread, some time, some clothes, even some hope. These will make their existence here more comfortable. But, as I watched waves that I could not control my heart too began to surge with that faded memory. We are searching for life. When we are lost we are looking for life. It doesn’t matter if it is obvious as on the face of city or in the pocket of the middle class. All of us wandering astray are homeless. Some of us just haven’t felt all of its effects. We want to be alive. Only a God powerful enough to hug the ocean could offer something so divine.

As the waves recede and the seas calm I know once again that this quote by an unknown author is the base of who I must be, “What good is having a God that can walk on water, If you don’t follow in his footsteps.”