My sister

Yesterday my only sister died.

She left no husband.

She left no children.

She could not walk.

She could not see.

She could not take care of herself physically.

She did not even talk until she was 4.

She was not a prayer warrior.

She did not read her Bible everyday.

You can not "Google" her name

She never preached a sermon.

She never traveled the world.

She barely left our own back yard.

She did not "DO" anything particularly special

She was precious to God.

She loved Jesus because he loved her first.

She was not an evangelist with her words

She was with her life.

Courtney was born 33 years ago way too early. Entering the world at barely 2 pounds no one thought she would make it. Mom had chicken pox in her first trimester of pregnancy and the doctors did not know that the baby inside had gotten the disease too.  Who knew that a simple itchy childhood disease could rack a little being so very much. As she lay in the incubator her heartbeat began and she began to grow.

As she grew the list of disabilities did also.  Thus began the life of a quiet fighter. She was born blind, with a cataract in her left eye. When she was grown this eye had to be removed and she had a glass eye.  Although she was born with 2 legs there was  no feeling in her left leg. It would not grow as there was no bone from the knee down.  It was amputated when she was 2.  There was little feeling in her left arm. As the years marched on she totally lost feeling in the left hand.  Nothing in her digestive tract acted quite right. In and out of the hospital until she was 16 when they finally performed some surgery that left her in a better place.

No one knew if she would make it. When she was born there were only 11 other people in the world to have this disorder. Currently, there are still less than 20 cases world wide.  When she turned four, she outlived everyone else.  Her whole life was a fight. We lived in our family collectively holding our breath as to whether or not she would make it every year. Then the years seemed to slip by and she got better. I think we all got to the point where we honestly believed she would outlive the rest of us.

Mentally, I always knew she was deeper than everyone else did. She was my sister. We fought. We loved. I thought everyone had a "handicapped" sister. That was just our family. Her mind never grew beyond 13 years old. It is probably why I love hanging out with kids so much. We would sit and talk of all the things a deep teen would talk of. She loved music and movies.  She loved dessert. Most of all she just loved to be near you. She loved me more than I ever deserved.

A simple faith grew inside of her.  When she was somewhere in her elementary years her teacher thought that she was suicidal. Courtney had gone to school beaming with joy. She was telling everyone who would listen, "When I get to heaven I will get a new body." My Mom called the teacher.  Courtney was not obsessed with death. She understood that one day Jesus would make her whole.

"And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." He said to me: "It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life.He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be my son." Rev. 21:4-7

Courtney understood that she was a child of God. She knew to whom she belonged. That was enough. Anyone who encountered her was immediately touched by the deep love of the Lord.. She is the example that Christ loves us merely because we belong to him. In all our striving just being His is enough. My sister Courtney belonged to her Savior. That is all that mattered to either of them.

For me she is the reason I am riddled with compassion. I would not be able to look out at the world and see the hurt and want to love it had it not been for her. The Lord gave her to me for this short time so I would know. Nothing I "DO" will ever matter.  It is just about loving and being loved.  This love is what compels me to be who I am.  .

Yet, I can not be selfish. Today her arms are open wide. She is twirling and dancing and running. She dreamed her whole life of this day. She spoke of it often.  She painted pictures of herself in heaven with Jesus dancing.   The colors of the sky and the streets are overtaking her. She is without the chains of this life any longer. She had begun to get tired of it being this way. She longed for more. She hungered for more.  She needed a place where the light of our Savior outshines the sun. Jesus finally needed her home with him.

One day we will dance together. She will be among the first I will be looking for in heaven. I am certain she will find me first. In the meantime this world is less bright without her.  She didn't even have to "do" anything.

Blue sky, Green sky....

Imagine you live in a world where everyone tells you that the sky is green. From the moment that you are born, your eyes blink twice and all that you can see is a green sky. All those around you believe the sky to be green. Not just your Mom or family, but the guy who hangs out on the corner, the people in the stores, everyone says the sky to be green. It has never dawned on you for even a second that this might be a lie.

One day as a child someone invites you out to a fun group. You get to spend some time with someone new and special who tells you about a new kind of love. This is a love that is high and wide and deep. A love that would go to the ends of the earth just for you. No one has ever talked of such things. As this story of love unfolds, they begin to talk of the sky. They tell you that it is blue. "No. No! NO!" You cry out. The sky is green. With such tenderness this person does not mock you. Instead they just start to tell you about the sky. There are times when it is blue, or has white clouds in it. On certain days it can appear grey and at other times even red or purple. However, they inform you that there is no long period of time that it is ever green. You will not budge at first. Everyone you know says the sky is green. All you have ever believed is in a green sky. They give you scientific proof as to why the sky is not green. As a matter of fact it is really blue all the time, sometimes it just appears to be other colors. You are confused. Finally, they tell you to look up and see for yourself. For the first time in your life you see it. This is a glorious sun shiny day. The sky is an amazing shade of blue. It is not green. You can not believe your eyes!! You rub them once and again. You drive all over town with your friend looking at the sky. There is not one place it is green. It simply is not so.

Now is when it gets really complicated. You have a decision to make. Do you tell the other people in your world the truth? Do you run home and tell her the color of the sky. the real color? Maybe you even try. You run through the door with excitement of your new discovery. Gushing you are glowing as you tell her. She has no idea what you are talking about. Pulling her arm you drag her out of the house. Grabbing her face, you push it upwards. "It's green like always," she declares flatly. "WHAT!??!" No way!! You try to show her again. She simply will not see. For a week or so you run from person to person trying to show them. They will not see. They can not see. As a matter of fact one day your Mom sits you on the couch and tells you to stop this foolishness. People are starting to talk. They think you are crazy. You need to stop making waves. Maybe she shouldn't allow you to spend time with that friend any longer????

This is when you make a decision. You need your friend. They have shown you the truth. However, you have to live in this world with the lie. So what do you do??? You pretend. In your heart of hearts you believe that they sky really is blue. But, at home and in your world you pretend like it is green. This is just easier. There is less hurt and pain and ridicule this way.

Such is the plight of the city. I do not believe that the issue truly is Salvation. If we offer a thirsty man a cool drink of water they know to accept it. "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled." Matthew 6:5 Like the woman at the well, I believe a broken person knows that they need more. She knew she needed a water that would cause her to thirst no more. When Christ showed that he was that water, she knew He was who she had been looking for all along. This is true of anyone who has been beat up by the world. Yet, it is another issue entirely to walk away living our lives as fully devoted followers of Christ. That takes sacrifice. This means we have to look the lie in the face and call it a lie. This is to be ridiculed and scorned. All of us are told to walk the narrow road. It is the road that leads to life. Yet, what do you do when you feel all alone in this place. I am not just saying that your Mom, Dad, sisters, brother, aunts, uncles, cousins or grandparents live in the lie. Literally, everyone you know lives with same lack of hope. The shop keeper who must have a gun on premises to protect himself, the ice cream man, your babysitter, EVERYONE, appears to live in a world void of hope. When you live in survival mode, you can only see what is right in front of you. This is a green sky.

I would contend that many people know that the sky is not green, it just takes too much energy to live like it is blue. You might just start a revolution. You might be disappointed. Why are we so afraid that God won't be as big as he says he will be? "For he will deliver the needy who cry out, the afflicted who have no one to help. He will take pity on the weak and the needy and save the needy from death. He will rescue them from oppression and violence, for precious is their blood in his sight." Psalm 72:12-14 This is how the Psalmist is describing Jesus the "son of the king." Upon a quick search I found the word rescue 81 times in the Bible. There are 365 references to not fear, one for every day of the year. Yet, still the city and it's people are riddled with fear. In their hearts the sky is blue, but how do you come out of the crust of all you have ever known??

It can only be through the love of Christ. It can only be as we show it. "Keep yourselves in God's love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life.. Be merciful to those who doubt;. snatch others from the fire and save them; to others show mercy, mixed with fear--hating even the clothing stained by corrupted flesh." Jude : 22-24 This is what we must do. Love in such away that our eyes stay focused on the blue sky. Lovingly, we must show them that the truth is hard, but worth it.

Inadequate

The deeper we go into the heart of relationship the more we must be prepared to recognize how deeply inadequate and untrained that we truly are. There comes a point in every Youth Pastor's career, whether in the city or elsewhere, when we contemplate going to get a degree of some level in Counseling of some sort. Maybe if we could just understand how the mind works or why emotions reign? Higher education must be the answer. Right? While I am not convinced I still won't do this, I know that it is not the end all answer. For when we think we have got a grip on one problem another new and worse one pops up its ugly head. For the reality is that the deeper the time spent, the more intense the relationship, the more vulnerable we become. How much more true for youth? Just yesterday a group of 9-11 year old girls and I were talking about their bodies changing and growing up. This led to a conversation about keeping our bodies safe. All but two of these girls have already been heckled and whistled at by grown men. They don't want their bodies to change because they are afraid that then they will be raped. Some of them have bodies developing so fast that they have the curves much beyond their years. This makes them scared. Circumstances have often kept them from having a childhood and now their own bodies betray them. Everyone was throwing out the different people who might make you feel uncomfortable by the way that they look at you: boys, the uncle of a sister's boyfriend, the men on the corner. Then one of the girls threw out in the midst of voices: your step dad. I know she didn't think I heard. It made my skin crawl. All the other names were people that the girls can hide from. This one lives in her home. As if this wasn't enough. The talk went on as to how to stay clean when your water has been turned off. We discussed ways to go into the bathroom at school, hide and wash up. There is no training that could prepare me for this.

As my day went on I sat to talk with a teen boy who has been having a hard time listening and following directions lately. We talked of salvation and how our own sin keeps us separated from our own Savior. He was unable to take responsibility for his own actions. The entire conversation we worked on eye contact. I wanted him to not just hear but listen to what was being said. You would have thought I had poured acid on his skin in the way that he squirmed. He did not want to look me in the eye. He did not want to take hold of the fact that he has been created a leader. He did not want to hear about the choice he must make as to whether to be strong or weak. There are choices before him. He nodded as we discussed his friends who sell, buy, and use drugs. Those he knows who carry guns or run in gangs. He is one half step away from the same choices. I told him that he can not do this on his own. Christ in him is the only way that he can ever be different. Yet, he is so hung up on what "he didn't" do to get himself in trouble that he can't see beyond the edge of his face. His is a life waiting to blow up. I can't save him and I can not make him accept the truth. It hurts. It cuts too deep.

The more time we spend, the greater the need is clarified. As we have begun to dig out the roots of hopelessness, and despair in the lives of the city, we are finding that they go deeper than expected. Students in High School who obviously have learning disabilities that have never been caught. Children too old to not know how to read. The world that swirls around them on the streets. The fear that they grapple with all the time. How do you convince someone who never feels safe by the things that they can see that a God that they can not see will keep them safe? There are drugs, guns, alcohol, abuse and neglect behind their own closed doors. They need to know how to deal with anger. They are angry that this is the way that the world is. It feels very unfair. It is unfair.

So we must accept that we will always be inadequate. Christ keeps us that way. This way we understand that we can not rely on our own strength for even a second in what we are doing here. It has to be Christ. It is his love. We are slaves to no one, but give our lives away so that we might see the gospel change lives. John 3:16 and 17 reign: "For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. God did not send his Son into the world to condemn it, but to save it." Eternal life give us the ability to look beyond today. As one Mom so eloquently told me, "There are plenty of people out there teaching me how to survive the day. I don't need to know how to survive the day. I need to be able to look to tomorrow. You (UYI) help me and my children to know that there is hope for tomorrow." Don't we all need to be able to live beyond today? That is what the promise of eternal life really means.

I can not get weighed down with all of the problems. It's that elephant again. One bite at a time. In the meantime. I know that I have a love burning in my bones that I have been called to give away. Today that is enough. It just has to be.

Rescue

As I have been thinking so much of the hope that is so often missing in the city. This song came to mind. I remember the first time I heard it. I was at a Christian Music Festival called "Creation" in Mount Union, PA with 30 inner city kids and about 100,000 of my "closest" friends. We were standing in the unbearable heat waiting for a band to come on. They didn't show up so this group called the "Desperation Band, came on. This song came on and the words came across the screen. Earlier that year both myself and our Executive Director had almost lost our children to the grips of death. Our then almost 2 year old had been hopsitalized 3 times for asthma attacks and a febril seizure that could not be stopped. Her son had overdosed on drugs. This song was exactly how we felt. We were desperate and broken. It is a song for the desperate and broken. It is a song for the city. It is a song for all of us....

(You will need to turn off the music at the bottom of the page before you watch.)

Multidimensional

Often in my life I have grappled with being me. I can honestly, say that I have  prayed for the Lord to just make me someone else. Then I remember that He designed me this way. But, truthfully more often than not I am a square peg desperately attempting to fit into the round hole.  Unfortunately, that only gives me bruises on my sharp edges. 

I have tried to live my life by this pattern:

God First

Others Second

Me Last

I have also ascribed to the following.

1. God

2 Family

3 Friends

4. Church/Ministry

5. Job

6. Me

Lastly there is this one:

God only. 

The problem with such linear thinking is that it is virtually impossible to live one dimensionally.  When I am laid up with the flu, in a practical sense how do I put everyone else first? In my dilerium I just feel guilty that I don't at least pray.  Then there are times when ministry does take precedence. Come on now let's be honest with ourselves.

As Christians in an attempt to live by these rules, they just can't always work. Or maybe, it is just that I can't ever figure it out.  

It is not a new concept to live with Christ at the center of it all. We often talk of the Lord being the "center" of our lives. However, not until recently have I thought of this as a "multidimensional" model.  My devotional for the day yesterday challenged me to think like this.

If I am working that Christ is at the center and the rest of my life circles around, then I am able to actually ebb and flow in this world to function in everything for Christ. For I often struggle with whether or not I am asking the Lord  to bless what I am doing anyway or am I stepping into the movement of the Lord? I want to be doing what GOD was doing anyway. Yet, when I am always clamoring at the top I don't know what to do when other voices are louder and the trite platitudes just don't work.  Yet, when Christ is at the center we are allowed to move about and do it "all"

The Proverbs 31 woman

does it all. She takes care of her husband and children and knits and weaves and bakes and sells things and owns things and is taking care of everything. I never had thought that I could measure up. Yet, when I adopt this Christ at the center model I can. For, this way my life moves about and I understand that I do it all, but it doesn't all have to be at the same time.  When I live my life going up and down the ladder I just can't seem to get it all organized to move things around.  I am in a constant juggling act.

Yes, God made me this way.  I am sure of it. I also know that it is not an accident. Yet, it is not always easy as I am attempting to shut out the voices that tell me otherwise. In it all though if and when I can retreat back to the center, my center, then I am able to function well.

I can't make that promise....

"You can't make that promise to me."  A group of fifth grade girls and I were reading Psalm 139. I wanted them to understand how much Christ loves us. He has been thinking about us since the start of time. He knew us before we were even a thought to our mother.

We had gotten to the part of the psalm in

verse 5 that  talks of God's protection. It says: "You hem me in--behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me." or as it stated in the NIRV  "You are all around me. You are behind me and in front of me. You hold me in your power." 

I went on to explain how the Lord cares for us so much that he wants to keep us safe. However, instead of this bringing comfort, several of the girls began to break apart. "I have tried to pray to God, he ignores my prayers."  "You can't promise that nothing bad will happen to me." "You can't promise I won't get jumped, or beat, or hurt or shot." The tears began to roll down cheeks now as they were  grappling with this issue.

"No, I can't make that promise," I admitted.  "I can't tell you that the things of this world will not touch you."  HOWEVER, we are promised hope and peace. In the middle of it all Jesus offers us a peace that we can't even begin to understand.  The rest of the psalm faded away as I explained that God does hear her prayers. Another girl in the group said, "Well, it's OK my Pastor told me that God is so busy he can't hear all of our prayers at once."  I wanted scream. In my heart I was seething. What kind of comfort does that bring?

Instead I responded with. "God is so big he does hear our prayers at the same time."  The book of psalms is filled with the words, "Oh, God hear my cry. Listen to me." Just a couple of chapters from now in Psalm 143:1 it says: "Lord, hear my prayer. Listen to my cry for your favor. You are faithful and right. Come and help me."  This is for everyone. All the time. At the same time.  The hard thing to understand is that often the Lord doesn't answer our prayers the way we think  he should, or the way that we want him to.  But, he is listening and He will answer and He wants what is best for us."

I stumbled through my explanations if I am honest.  I felt so inadequate to explain things I myself don't understand. Isn't it righteous to pray and ask God to stop abuse that is not our fault? How can you explain to a child that trials are supposed to come?

A couple of weeks later the same group of girls asked if God would still love you if you have been raped.  During prayer time they wanted to know if we could pray for those who have been sexually abused or raped. Ten and 11 year old girls should not know what the full extent of those words mean.

So you can imagine how I felt the other day as I heard the words to this song: "Keep You Safe." By JJ Heller. If you do not know JJ is a female, Christian, folk singer.  Knowing that she recently had a baby the first thoughts that came to mind was a mother singing to her child.

"Quiet your heart

It's just a dream

Go back to sleep

I'll be right here

I'll stay awake

As long as you need me

To slay all the dragons

And keep out the monsters

I'm watching over you

My love is a light

Driving away all of your fear

So don't be afraid

Remember I made a promise to keep you safe

You'll have your own battles to fight

When you are older

You'll find yourself frozen inside

But always remember...

If you feel alone facing the giants

And you don't know what to do...

My love is a light

Driving away all of your fear

So don't be afraid

Remember I made a promise to keep you...

Safe

My love is a light

Driving away all of your fear

So don't be afraid

Remember I made a promise to keep you safe."

In this world I can not handle these words. They just clog my heart. This community that we walk in does not make this promise. The streets over come them. The bullies are never ending. Their own parents often are perpetrators of the crime against their safety.  

The downside of deep relationship is that you get to the crust of the ugly side of the life of the city.  This year at UYI we have made more calls than ever before to the state Child and Family Services. Why? We have gotten deeper in our relationships with the students. With one full time staff person in charge of no more than 12 children a piece at any time five days a week, we hear more from the lives of our students. The "gunk" is bubbling to the surface. I love that they are talking, yet, I hate making those calls.  Is that the answer? Is being stripped of the only parent you know any better? We want to keep them safe.  But, I remember long ago one of our 13 year olds who was removed from the home of her grandmother because she was considered to old and neglectful. She then went on to three foster homes in one year. She was horribly physically abused at one and raped by  the father  of the family at another. She was finally placed back with grandma. A year of innocence lost to end up at the beginning again.  Why Lord?  My heart screams.  I do have wonderful friends who are strong followers of Christ who foster and then adopt children. My own uncle has 12 children of a variety of ages, colors, sizes and abilities. Yet, honestly, that is rare. Statistically, placing a child over the age of 3 is excruciatingly difficult.

Just this week we had to make 2 calls to "DCF."  One was for suspected sexual abuse and one for suspected physical abuse. The child of the physical abuse got a visit at school by a case worker.  Later the child showed up at program distraught.  Finally,  they admitted what had happened. "I have already been taken from my Mom twice. I can't handle this again." This child is nine.  They wanted to know if we were the ones who had made the call.  The mentor very lovingly responded, "It is my job to love you. To love you is to keep you safe. I must do whatever that means to keep you safe."

So we continue to go back and forth with what "safe" means. Mom showed up at program early that day to pick up her children. She was furious with us. We may not see those children come next week.  Was it worth the phone call? It has to be worth it. The right thing to do is rarely the easy thing to do. It is just right.

That means that we can only trust that the Lord cares enough to take care of us.  I often will tell students that our God never sleeps. He is with us always. When my own children became afraid of the dark we memorized this:

Psalm 121

"I look up to the hills. Where does my help come from?

2. My help comes from the Lord. He is the Maker of heaven and earth.

3. He won't let your foot slip. He who watches over you won't get tired.

4. In fact, he who watches over Israel won't get tired or go to sleep.

5. The LORD watches over you. The LORD is like a shade tree at your right hand.

6. The sun won't harm you during the day. The moon won't harm you during the night.

7. The LORD will keep you from every kind of harm. He will watch over your life.

8. The LORD will watch over your life no matter where you go, both now and forever."

We can never understand. We will never understand. However,  He is called to action.  The Lord is the safety that we require.  When the darkness never seems to disappear. He is that light. JJ Heller's song can only sooth when it is God softly whispering to our souls. However, in the meantime as my heart breaks I pray, "Lord, Jesus come take us home soon. Your children need to be safe."

Systems...

I am a systematic thinker. I like breaking the "how" and "why" of doing something into little tiny chunks. One of my favorite questions that I ask others is, "How do you eat an elephant?" Ready, wait for it, wait for it..."One bite at at time." This is especially my passion when it comes to relational ministry in the city. Come talk to me for 2 minutes. It will quickly turn into 20 as I map things out for you.

So then you might imagine that one of my greatest frustrations for the last 13 years has been how do we see change within the heart of the city and the people who live here. In our programs we have a method for disciplining, a method for keeping order, and a method for doing programming. There is a particular way and reasoning behind why we do most things. Yet, the character issues remain the same.

Yet, my mind keeps click clacking in an attempt to figure it out. How do we see a change from the inside out? Why is it that some people just "get it," while others do not? Why do some follow Jesus with their whole self? What I mean is those who come to understand how high and wide and deep the love of Christ is. Those who comprehend that going it alone is useless. Putting the Lord in charge is the only thing that really changes anything.

After analyzing my heart I have come to see that what I am looking for is a movie to be made about my life. Now that you think I am a self centered ego maniac, let me explain. It really has nothing to do with me. I don't care if I am famous. I am looking to see the radical change that we see in the movies. You know what I am talking about. They are those inspirational movies that show true change in the heart of the city or among the poor or in the troubled and downcast child. In my little system focused mind I flit from method to method. Alright, it is about being focused, and standing tall. I must be a better more focused more creative teacher or principal. Maybe I could get them all to write their feelings out in a journal. No wait, if I can get them to pull together and play football, no swim, no play basketball. They need to learn to debate. They need to learn to ballroom dance. It's about taking the hip hip dance from the streets to the stage. It's about exposing their talent. They need to sing, no be in a drum line. Wait, maybe if they joined the military or stood up to "the man." Ummm, does this make me the man? I don't know if I can really contemplate that one too deeply. I've got it. They need to be a professional hip hop artist. Is it about me or them? I am confused. Who needs to change? Who needs to stay and stand? Wait.  They can win the spelling bee.

Yep, I watch them all the moment they hit the big screen or little screen for that matter. I am inspired. Every life that was touched. I cry, I clench my fists and vow I will never ever leave them. But, I am learning slowly but surely that because it worked for one, it does not work for all. It is not about us or them, it is about Christ.

The questions more acurately, is how do we convince someone to let the Lord inside? "I can't do anything at all. but whatever I am now, it is all because God poured out his special favor on me and not without results. For I have worked harder than all the other apostles, yet it was not I but God who was working through me by his grace." 1 Cor. 15:10 Here is what I see. It is not about the formula. It is about preaching the truth. That way it doesn't matter who preaches it. It is about Christ and his truth preached. Paul contemplated these same issues here in 1 Cor. 15. We must be willing to really walk life with those who doubt. 

I think a system would be easier. The thing I always forget about those movies is that it is several months or even years reduced to somewhere between 90 minutes to 2 hours.  We see 30 seconds of conflict resolved in a breath.  There isn't the hours and days of heartbreak of wanting to really give up and walk away.  We see a dose of issues, covered by a multitude of resolution.  A method completes a task and is done with it. No it doesn't have to take the time to come back again and again and again and again to walk with the hurting who lash out at you as you try to love them.

It is time to let go of this system.  I have to preach Jesus and then hold a hand.  It is up to the Holy Spirit to make a change. I can't change anyone.  I can only show His love.....

Palm Trees

Under the ground the roots go deep. The  plant begins to grow. However, instead of growing up. It grows out. The trunk of this tree takes shape. Growing round and hard and wide. Finally, when it has reached it's final shape it begins to spring from the ground. The palm tree is the only tree whose trunk fully forms under the ground. While other trees shoot straight up and we can tell their age by the thickness of the trunk, not so with any palm tree (and there are a couple hundred of varieties worldwide by the way.) You may see a little stumpy palm tree. It is actually about 5 years old.  Instead an "old" palm tree is tall, not fat. This makes for a very flexible tree. They are able to withstand hurricane force winds and not break or become uprooted. It is the time that they take to form before they grow that is so vital.

Bamboo is the same way. A bamboo shoot forms beneath the ground for five years before it shoots straight into the air.

As I sat next to the computer on Friday, for three hours I taught one third grader how to write a report. As we learned about Thurgood Marshall together, we explored the nuances on gathering information and repeating it in our own words. More accurately, in his own words. So much flooded over me during that time. His mother had asked for help. This is huge in a community where you don't tell people your business, so you would never admit that you need help. We were able to walk with this family. She had asked us specifically to help with this report. Then there was the fun of teaching a child "how
to do something. Having a learning experience where someone sat and took the time to teach him. Then there was the subject matter. Thurgood Marshall, was not only one of the first African American appointed Supreme Court Justice, he was one of the most influential justices in history. The majority of his court cases, his entire legal career, dealt with social injustice. He fought and overturned the legal belief of "separate but equal," and was instrumental in Brown v. Board of Education. Looking into this little, perfectly round, beautifully brown face and explaining this was powerful. To be a white woman sitting along side a black child, I was overcome that in my own parents lifetime, this was illegal. To hear this young man explain these concepts in his own words were awe inspiring. I was moved.

It hit me that this young man is one of our "palm trees." These are the moments spent alongside showing love and care and patience. One moment in a computer lab is well felt, but not impactful. It is a million moments that add together. As I look into this 9 year old face, I see another strong, black man in the making. He is a leader among leaders. He will be a man of the Lord,

At any moment we could walk away and come to believe that we are not making a "difference." We can't always see with our eyes the work going on underground. It looks like a lot of time for a little stump in the ground.

"Since God chose you to be the holy people whom he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.... And the most important piece of clothing you must wear is love. Love is what binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are all called to live in peace. And always be thankful. Let the words of Christ, in all their richness, live in your hearts and make you wise. Use his words to teach and counsel each other. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful heart" Colossains 3:12 &14-16

We have to be draped in patience and love. We must look beyond what we can see. As this young man grows, we have to keep tending this little plant. Even when it might "feel" like we are standing there and watering a plot of dirt. For as this plant grows strong and tall, he will be able to withstand the storms this life has to offer. He will walk out a life worthy of His Lord. He will change His city. Isn't that the point.

"It is easier to build strong children than to fix broken men." Frederick Douglas